God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
