I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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