I will die if light touches me.
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
foreskin is a definite game changer
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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