we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
