if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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