Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
