Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Randomize
