Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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