He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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