dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
My boob is missing a layer of skin
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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