Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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