I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
