you would pick up someone in the library
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
