But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
