I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
