i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
