me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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