she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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