Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
