HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
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