Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
