Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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