I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
