i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
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