K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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