its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
