i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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