Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
