i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Randomize
