I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
