I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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