I skipped work to stalk him.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
