I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
