well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
