Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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