you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
