I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
