Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize
