yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
