you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
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