So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
