totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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