sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
your like the ambassador to my penis.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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