hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
