Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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