ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
