I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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