she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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