Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I wish i was in the wii world.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
