I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
