I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
What a dumb baby whore.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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