to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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