hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I can text with my tongue
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Come back. Shots need mouths.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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