She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
