do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
