shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
my poor anus
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
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