he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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