We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
