this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
