dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
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Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
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Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Holy shit dude........stairs
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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