Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
