This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
