Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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