OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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