I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm always down for nudity.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
