Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
