did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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