Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
