So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
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