Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
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My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
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You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man