i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
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Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
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I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again