Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
can u get pink eye on your cock?
These Attractive Criminals Took Sexy Mugshots That Made Them Famous
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.