So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge