My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
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Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
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And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.