Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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