It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
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