Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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