Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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