We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
