Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
