If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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