That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
