Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
