I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
