Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
