Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
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